Adding My Voice to a Conversation We Already Know

We’re never really told to find happiness, only to succeed. It is a general milestone pushed onto us— being successful, through things that are external, physical, and tangible to society. Prioritizing success as if it is the key to life, when it’s only a scratch of the surface to everything that life has to offer us. 

Once you go to university, have a great career, nice car, nice house, get married and create a family, you’ve made it in life. 

They say doing those things will create happiness. By going to university— you are setting yourself up for success, and in going to university you can have an amazing career, make a lot of money and buy a nice car and house. Then hopefully meet someone to settle down with and have children.

But why is university always deemed the best path for everyone? 

Why is having kids the rule of thumb to making it in the world? 

It's like being given this invisible checklist. That if you don’t follow the first step of going to university you are “dooming yourself to work a dead end job and barely get by every month.” Oh and if you tell someone about your dreams, to go against what everyone else is doing? You are told to be realistic. 

Everyone has been conditioned a certain way so deeply they can’t even fathom someone wanting differently for themselves. So it becomes this perpetuous cycle of the followers projecting onto the dreamers, or the followers projecting onto young impressionable kids who are still figuring themselves out. 

Not many people realize that it’s all just achievements and milestones. And where our happiness should be prioritized, it is overlooked because it doesn’t follow the pecking order.  

Then in school it was always about being popular, getting good grades, being in all the sports, all of those pushing students to believe these are the only ways to succeed, that these things are what will make you happy. Then to be treated differently because you aren’t doing what everyone else is doing, which only reinforces the belief that you will not be accepted unless you follow the grain. 

That you won’t be acknowledged by your teachers the way the kids doing those things are, it’s essentially a hierarchy system you can never win unless you abide by their rules. Kids pit against each other. Not because the teachers are doing it, but because they are taught they won’t be acknowledged unless they have perfect grades, everyone wants to be their friend, or by being an athlete. 

Those are always what get the most praise. Not the quiet writers, or the talented musicians, or the struggling kids doing their best. Where is the praise for those kids? 

No one uplifts a kid unless they are pining for attention— doing what adults deem as successful. They say this kid is going places, but really what they mean is that kid is doing what everyone is taught to do. A year or two out of high school you’ll scroll on your feed, and what are all those popular kids and athletes doing? Either they’re in university, partying, having kids, or getting married. And there’s nothing wrong with that— if that is your dream, amazing. But everyone knows just because it looks great on the outside, doesn’t mean they’re happy. 

Everyone can attest to knowing someone who others see as successful, but they are actually miserable. Sometimes what is praised is only a cover for the real story. 

When your goal is to find happiness, many more opportunities for growth, and genuine connection arises. The adventure of finding it will lead to experiences that help you find the people, places and things that are meant for you. To follow what you feel is a sure way to be successful while staying true to yourself, further coming into alignment with what is meant for you.

There are those who create their own path doing the things they love, with the people they love, being at peace because they don’t let other people’s expectations, projections, and opinions get in the way of what they want to do.  

They find happiness through being themselves— going where the wind takes them. 

True success means living in alignment with yourself. Nurturing yourself in all facets of life to curate a unique life you are proud of. 

When you invest in your individuality, you are furthering yourself in life by creating the skills to be unstoppable. When you are independent no one can tell you anything. All that happens when someone projects onto you is it rolls off your shoulder and bounces back onto them—  which forces them to look in the mirror. 

There is so much peace to be found in yourself. The saying that you hold all the answers within is true, if everyone took a moment to reflect—they’d find out a lot about themselves. 

Instead of being focused on achieving you’d find something deeper— something much more fulfilling than the pressure of getting a degree, or having the best body. Even learning to sit and be kind to yourself, that is an achievement in itself. When you give yourself the validation you desire, you create fulfillment that no one can touch.

Once you start letting people hold you back, or tell you what you should be doing— that is when you lose yourself. And once you are deep into it, it’s much harder to come out of. 

I know it’s not easy, many of us aren’t even held back by anyone but ourselves. We have to overcome our doubts and insecurities to set out to go after what it is we want in life. Because somewhere along the way someone told us or made us feel like we weren’t enough. 

We took that and stored it in our hearts, in the back of our minds, and started playing it safe. We did what we thought we should be doing instead of taking a step back and truly asking ourselves— is this what I want?  

Those who try to hold you back, or control you, are only operating from a deep insecurity of not feeling in control. They aren’t in control of themselves so they try to control others. It’s what happens when you follow what you think you should be doing rather than setting out to follow your dreams.

Once you fear judgement, you end up fighting insecurities that aren’t yours. Just because you decided someone else's opinion matters more than your own.

One thing I learned is that their judgement is a reason to keep going. Not to prove to them that they are wrong about you, but to prove to yourself they are wrong about you. 

Authenticity never loses, playing it safe does. 

I read recently to always look for the quiet yes. That feeling when something just feels right, without needing to overthink. That is your inner compass showing you the way. So whenever you’re doubting yourself, just take a step back and ask:

Is this what I want? 

A quiet clarity? That’s your answer. 

But if there’s hesitancy? It’s a no. 

Sometimes we want what doesn’t want us, and what I mean by that is once we grow an attachment to someone or something— we often take that as a cue to fantasize about what it could be, what it could lead to. 

Before we know it we start to see it as reality, as the truth. So then your perception is cloudy, and you’re unable to decipher what’s truly meant to be from what you want to be. And sometimes, you have to go through it to understand that you knew the answer the whole time. 

It was just a matter of allowing yourself to believe it. The truth can hurt, but in accepting it— you’d find that you’re glad you didn’t end up with what you thought you wanted. 

There is so much life has to offer— to limit ourselves to a box and think we have to live a certain way is foolish. Life becomes liberating when you realize there is more to life than going to university, getting married, and owning a nice car and house. 

There is more to life than doing things that look amazing to other people. 

Even travelling, I love it and want it to be a part of my lifestyle one day— but it also is something that looks amazing to other people. And it is. When you learn to appreciate the mundane in your life, you won’t feel like you’re missing out, because

you’d know your time will come. 

We compare timelines, and see others as ahead— as if it’s not possible for us. When realistically the space between wanting it and bringing it to fruition is action. 

How can you take what you want and work towards it each day?

In the meantime, learning to reframe the unseen, will serve you. 

Making your bed in the morning is a success. 

Setting a boundary is a success. 

Going to therapy is a success. 

Doing inner-work is a success.

Journalling is a success. 

Reading is a success.

Learning of any kind is a success.

Leaving the house is a success. 

Paying your bills is a success.

Having a job of any kind is a success.

Owning a car at all is a success. 

Staying in the moment is a success.

Feeding yourself is a success.

Self-care is a success.

Reflecting is a success. 

Taking accountability is a success.

Crying is a success. 

Being kind to yourself is a success.

Realization is a success.

Doing what you’ve been procrastinating is a success.

Taking action is a success.

Feeling joy is a success.

Allowing yourself to feel joy is a success.

Having an open mind is a success. 

Sitting with your emotions is a success.

Ending what you thought you wanted is a success.

Leaving even when you don’t want to is a success. 

Wanting more is a success.

Beginning to trust your intuition is a success.

Trying your best is a success.

Just because you aren’t living your dream life yet, doesn’t mean what you do in the meantime isn’t a success. It doesn’t have to be seen to count.