The pain never ends at the event. often it lingers in quiet reminders, or dropped onto you by others arrogance. their disapproval of how you handled it or of how you’re currently handling it. criticized for being human. it’s in nightmares, day and night. during the day it’s flashbacks, not in your mind but in the discomfort of existing in your own skin. the itch that tell you to run. to never stop. to fight and be on guard. it’s in the eyes of everyone who knows what you we

you do not yield. like how I told myself over and over that I will be okay, until I was. you do not yield, a unanimous decision made by my body when that girl had me against the ropes during sparring. you do not yield, similar to the voice in my head that told me to keep breathing— and the instruction of the doctor at the foot of the hospital bed. you do not yield. just like the grit within me throughout all the aftermaths. you do not yield. a saying told to a girl in a f

I have to remind myself to be okay with being misunderstood sometimes. While it is a strange concept to me, and mostly I would rather dig my heels in and defend myself. I know that with life, comes people who may not understand you. Regardless if it is character, intentions, or perceived actions— sometimes it is safer to allow someone to stay in their perception. You can’t control or change what someone else feels, thinks, or how they react, so I am learning it is in my bes

It often feels easier, when you can choose your own pain. Such as tattoos, you willingly go sit down for however many hours and feel pain. In this case you are in control because you are choosing it. To me it’s similar to self-sabotage, instead of something else inflicting pain on you— you’re doing it to yourself. Not everyone is conscious of when they are, but when they do it is often with the thought that at least they are the one choosing it. Many might wonder, why woul

We’re never really told to find happiness, only to succeed. It is a general milestone pushed onto us— being successful, through things that are external, physical, and tangible to society. Prioritizing success as if it is the key to life, when it’s only a scratch of the surface to everything that life has to offer us. Once you go to university, have a great career, nice car, nice house, get married and create a family, you’ve made it in life. They say doing those things wil

It's unfortunate how those who are unemployed often get looked down on. It’s become common to call people broke, lazy, or say they lack discipline. There are times where to others it looked like I’ve lacked discipline, and I used to see it that way too. Now, I have created a space for myself where my discipline is measured by intention rather than by obligation or what is seen as valid. It's always get a job, go to university, find a husband. And what all of these have in co

Everyone is vulnerable— the capacity to be wounded. It’s true that everyone has a different threshold for what hurts them, however often the word sensitive can get thrown around. Calling people sensitive because their capacity to be wounded is different to yours. But the thing is, those who do that don’t realize they’re sensitive too, they just have a different capacity. Sensitivity is often framed as a bad thing or almost like it is used as an insult, and implies the person

I feel almost paralyzed when it comes to trying to open up to someone about things I’ve been through. It’s like I have sleep paralysis, but when it comes to my voice. There’s this fear in me that won’t let me speak. It’s so deeply ingrained within me because I know how fast a situation can switch to being unsafe. One moment you’re opening up, and the next you’re wishing you never said anything at all. I know all it takes is a sentence for someone to invalidate my whole exper

I’ve overcome mountains. Which has given me this sense of hope. A rising phoenix from the ashes that is truly stepping into love within myself. The thought that crept in unexpectedly, like the warm breeze that sweeps in through your window in the summer time. Or the days in winter when you’re able to open your window. Where you smile to yourself as the cool winter breeze hits your face. I’ve resurrected myself from the shadows I once saw as enticing, and now— all I