Redefining discipline

It's unfortunate how those who are unemployed often get looked down on. It’s become common to call people broke, lazy, or say they lack discipline. 

There are times where to others it looked like I’ve lacked discipline, and I used to see it that way too. Now, I have created a space for myself where my discipline is measured by intention rather than by obligation or what is seen as valid.

It's always get a job, go to university, find a husband. And what all of these have in common is that they ask you to commit to anything but yourself. We're conditioned to work towards things that have nothing to do with us, but when we finally go on the journey that is finding ourselves— it is beautiful.

I think it is necessary, to have periods where you don't have anything going on, where everything is quiet and the only noise is your heart's desires. Yes, you need experiences to grow, but there is nothing like the experience of committing to yourself.

It’s in my commitment to myself, and my goals where I truly began to understand myself. While maybe I should consistently be trying to find a job, I don’t feel too worried honestly. I definitely still feel some pressure, but I’ve been learning to give myself grace because my job right now is nurturing my relationship to myself. I still apply for jobs here and there, and I know consistency is what would change my situation. 

But am I so wrong to enjoy the time I’ve been putting into myself? To commit to my self-development with no interruptions?

My commitment to myself looks like taking care of my hygiene— spiritually, mentally, physically, it’s nurturing myself in all aspects to establish balance within my mind, body, and soul. Having the opportunity to put my all into myself has been so healing. 

I have created a workout routine split for myself, and eat healthy food majority of the time, prioritizing protein and fibre. I enjoy protecting my space and wellbeing, only doing things that feel authentic to me, and tuning out what doesn’t. 

This applies to who I associate with, talk to, the media and content I consume and engage with. By sticking to my morals, and learning practices that work for me, I created a world I almost never want to leave. 

I try to write as much as I can— working on my memoir and other pieces, refining my voice as I go. I try to stretch often, and enjoy dancing in my room with my headphones in.

I read tarot for myself and others, because of the way I feel at home in myself when I do, and how deeply it speaks to my soul.

Lastly, I watch podcasts, to expand my knowledge. And I love to read books. Gentes I read include non-fiction as well as fiction—where I can imagine the complex yet beautiful worlds that make any problems I have seem vastly small in comparison. While simultaneously making me wish I existed in them.

I have built goals that work in tandem to deepen my mind, body, and soul connection.

So I don’t really mind being unemployed.  To me, real discipline is shown in the times of unemployment. A job is a means to live and do the things you want, but without one, it shows how one builds a life through intention. Not just obligation. 

It’s what someone does with their free time that defines their discipline, how they create joy within their life— not whether someone gets up everyday to go to their scheduled work time. That’s a given structure. What’s not easy is getting up everyday and committing to something, whether that be a hobby, skill, or yourself. Where if you wanted, you could do nothing.

I may not be employed, but I think this time has been the most blessed time in my life. It’s a time I won’t get back, so I am taking advantage of every moment, diving into all my passions, creating joy as much as possible, allowing my mind to be free, following every urge to create— this is where I have built happiness within discipline.

Through structure mixed with flow.